Bird of the Swamp ~ Test-Drive Tuesday

Well done, Susea, for being our first ever Test-Drive Tuesday. Here's hoping readers love your Dodo story and give you good feedback.

This is very cute! I love the idea behind the story, and your characters are adorable. It is very hard to picture how it will look (though the above banner is SUPER adorable!), but I think young readers will find the characters interesting and the story fun.

Hi Susea, It's quite hard to picture it as a graphic novel, so I'm not sure how helpful what I say will be.

Firstly: Love the concept, Children love Dodos and mysteries so that's a great start.
A few things that occur to me reading it, but a lot is personal, so others may disagree. It's not that I'm picking on the story, just things for you to think about for editing.

1. I'm not convinced by the introduction. It might work addressing the reader when put into graphics, but I think my children at that age would have found it cringy.

2. When you "make their names easier to say" I don't think at that age they will find "Psitta" easy. Tbf I'm not quite sure how you would want it pronounced. Why don't you have one of them pronounce it carefully (Like Hermoine does at one point in Harry Potter) or make a joke about it rhyming with something etc.

3. I think you could bring in humour in at times. Things like the bit about ghosts:
"PLATE 2
NESO speaks to the reader.
NESO: Did you know that some scientists studying ghosts believe there is a link between
mould and ghosts?
PSITTA: When enough mould grows thick enough, this can make people hallucinate.
PLATE 3
NESO looks at the reader.
NESO: Or see things that aren’t there."
Make it funny. Have Psitta make him jump or pretend to see something and scare him.

4. I don't get a real sense of characters with Neso and Psitta. Give them some defining characteristics. This may come out with the graphics, but I think to be able to read a speech and know who said it would be what I'd be looking for Have one of them the questioning one, and the other knowledgeable, or one more cautious, or something that makes me feel I know them as people, at the moment I don't feel I know them.

5. This may be graphic novels, but the episodes feel really quick. I'm just reading a bit and thinking "interesting" and it moves on.

6. I love the bits where they're reading from the books. I can really picture those.

I think there is a lot of potential here, but it is hard to visualise it without it being put into graphics. Do you have an artist?
I don't know if you've seen the Walking with Dinosaur DVDs? My son used to love them - they were done like nature documentaries but with dinosaurs, and this is kind of the vibe I'm getting from this. I think he'd have enjoyed this story at the right age.

Hope you don't feel I'm being negative, I did enjoy it and think there's a lot of potential for a fun story for that age.

Hello Susea, I love the graphic. I am used to regular picture books and not graphic novel formats. I found it hard to follow or picture what would actually be on the page for a reader. Are some of the things posted here illustration notations? I'd love to read the actual words without other notations to get a feel for what the reader would be 'reading'. Maybe just the words and a short illustration note in brackets? Great topic. I think children will love learning about Dodos and also raising concerns about other animals we have lost or are in the process of losing. As I said, if you could post the actual words that will be on the page to be read, I could give you a better impression of how it works.

Hello Susea. I'm not into children's books but I do love the history of the Dodo, so just stopping by to say best wishes for the story. It's good to remind little ones of history we have lost.

Hi, Susea, I am sorry I don't know too much about picture books, and even less about picture books for small children. However, I found the premise of this intriguing. I can also see the story being educational, in addition to being entertaining, since it tells the reader about Mauritius as well as about the history of the Dodo. As for the story itself, I really got into it when Noor and Raj came on the scene. You might think of cutting down the introductory part or even starting with them. All the very best.