Flint Dugdale, blunt Yorkshireman and reality TV show winner, has used his large frame and ‘persuasive personality’ to take charge of Britain’s first mission to Mars. Little does he know that the base – built by an advance party of incompetent robots – is not quite finished and has no food, water or doors. Worse, the ship’s scanners are picking up strange signals from the surface. There is life down there. But will it be pleased to see him?