Wu Shimen marched around the corner, brows creasing as he met the room with a scowl. He hated the Hall of Union at this hour.
“creasing as” - any use of “ing” verbs or “as” creates false simultaneity in a story the reader has already agreed to read serially in cause-effect sequence. You have a lot of “ing” verbs throughout.
Replace with their past-tense equivalent.
“brows creasing” is a scowl - you established it twice. Don’t establish/reestablish.
“He hated the…”
People may debate over showing and telling but one thing is non-optional for modern readers - enotions are always shown
Here you have an excellent opportunity for inner dialogue to express his contempt
Chancellor Wu climbed the lacquered steps, stopping before the two guards flanking the towering chestnut doors.
In the above, “stopping before” implies a motion that will happen before another one. Which is why “before” and “after” and “then” should never appear in fiction - they are the most redundant words in fiction.
But here you have him stopping before guards, implying the guards have authority to stop him. Perhaps they do, but “before” is jarring
“stopping” is another “ing” verb - “towering” too
“…the lacquered steps, Cheetnut door ls towered over two guards where slowed to a halt.”
Why this way? In his path are the steps a d the doors, two things most powerful in his proximity. Describe what he would naturally notice first. For a setting this big, think in cinematic terms. The steps and doors feel imposing long before he encounters the guards
“Grand Chancellor of Balance, Wu Shimen.” A palace escort approached him, bowing as he spoke. “The Emperor is ready for you.”
“approahed him” - the reader will assume -trust the reader - that anyone approaching is by default approaching “him” - omit
“bowing” - another “ing” verb. But here - we are told that a guideline is to use a dialog tag “he spoke” or action beat “bowed” but not both - the purpose is simply to attribute the dialog - and action beats are preferred. But here you can accomplish both like:
Grand Chancellor of Balance, Wu Shimen.” A palace escort approached and bowed. “The Emperor is ready for you.”
See how the action of “bowing” is inplied as he speaks. Doing it this way is more efficient wording. Inefficient wording can bloat a manuscript by 10 percent more words or higher, With needless words.
Get Browne abd King’s book on self editing - it will help you squeeze out needless words
He brushed the guards aside with a flourish of his arm and proceeded through the open door, the familiar glint of the glass cases lining either side of the throne room.
“flourish of his arm” - here ths “of his arm” is redundant. Just as we would not use “point his finger” or “shrug his shoulders” - it’s “pointed” or “shrugged” - the body part is redundant.
A flourish is always with an arn, no need to say so.
Does he “brush” them aside? Brushing requires physical contact. Seems he would simply “flourished the guards aside” - meaning he waved them aside with his arm.
And if he can floursh them aside, they have no authority over him. All he was waitimg for waa the escort. Why not have some dialobg between them
Eric Edson notes in Story Solutuon that a hero must exhibit five of nine particular character qualities before trouble starts. This seens like a grest time for him to ask the guards about their families - to kill time.
Taking measured steps along the crimson carpet, the Chancellor advanced toward the Emperor. Like a practiced dance. Never approach eagerness nor stoop to hesitance in front of me, the Emperor once said to him.
“Taking” - all forms of “take” or “took” - scrub them from your work. It is another overused word. But here, it’s another “ing” verb
is he measuring his actual steps, or his pace? Since he encounters crimson carpet first, be up front, exposing the serting as-encountered
eg
Receieved ib a long crimson carpet, the Chancellor measured his pace toward the Emperor, like a practiced dance.
Never approach eagerness nor stoop to hesitance in front of me, the Emperor once said to him.
Don’t you mean “in eagerness”?
Stoop? Why not “brace”?
All but two of the Empire’s twenty-four jade dragon seals stood arrayed between the pillars he walked past. Each one stood alone, the embodiment of Xishan’s great noble houses— including his own.
All but two? This is strange wording abd you don’t come back to where ths other two are.
Describe what’s there. Don’t describe what isn’t happening or what isn’t there.
“stood” echoes.
You have established he’s walking. don’t re-establish
eg
Along the path, twenty-two jade dragons stood alone between each pillar, the embodiment of…
“Thank you for granting an audience with me at such short notice, Imperial Son of Heavenly Flame. My family and I fervently pray for your continued good health and prosperity.” The Chancellor bowed deeply, folding his hands within the long sleeves of his ceremonial robe until the fabric nearly brushed the floor. When his back felt a familiar ache and his face was low enough to be sheltered from the Emperor’s watchful eye, he creased his brow in a grimace.
“deeply” - adverb, avoid - it’s a form of author intrusion. It tells what you are about to show. Omit
ceremonial robe - already established
nearly brushed - avoid vague words - be specific
“when his back” - avoid the use of time words, when, then, now, before, adter, until etc and let the action naturally flow
creases his brow in a grimace - a grimace slready creases the brow - redundant - pick one not both
“…The Chancellor bowed and folded his hands into his sleeves, the fabric an inch from the floor. Face down, he grimaced for a backache.
“You may rise, Chancellor Wu.”
As he rose, smoothing the jagged edges of his expression as he would his favourite silk handkerchief, he searched the Emperor’s face for the mood that ruled him today. Emperor Rong was pale, his carved cheekbones adding no warmth to his face as he spoke with detachment. He leaned forward slightly, as if testing whether Wu would be worth the effort of listening to today. One finger tapped idly against the arm of the throne, in the aggravating way he always did— slow yet arrhythmic. Tap… Tap. Tap. “What matter have you deemed worthy of my attention?"
In the above - you have mixed the actions of two characters in a single paragraph. The convention is - any character switch, action or dialog - new paragraph- no exceptions. It’s really easy to lose a reader without this boundary
slightly - adverb - omit - no value
eg
He rose and smoothed the jagged edges of his expression as he would his favourite silk handkerchief, and searched the Emperor’s face for the mood that ruled him today.
Emperor Rong was pale, his carved cheekbones adding no warmth to his face as he spoke with detachment. He leaned forward as if testing whether Wu would be worth the effort of listening to today. One finger tapped idly against the arm of the throne, in the aggravating way he always did— slow yet arrhythmic. Tap… Tap. Tap. “What matter have you deemed worthy of my
“Your Imperial Majesty, a special envoy from Dongshan will be arriving within the season to commence diplomatic talks. Officially, their stated aim is to decrease the tensions between our two nations,” Wu announced. Tap, tap…
Wu announced- nope - use the word “said” is more invisible than punctuation. Any other word - asked, announced, replied, responded, etc are always redundant to the dialogue itself
Here, the dialog goes too long before attribution - the reader has to wait a long tme before they know who’s talking
“will be arriving” - will arrive
Tap-tap is in the same paragraph as Wu’s words but it doesn’t belong to him. make a new paragraph
eg
“Your Imperial Majesty,” Wu saif. “A special envoy from Dongshan will arrive within the season to commence diplomatic talks. Officially, their stated aim is to decrease the tensions between our two nations.”
Tap..tap
“I’m aware of this already, Chancellor,” Emperor Rong stated shortly, leaning back on his throne. Are you aware that I’d like to break your fingers too?”
avoid tags and action:
eg
“I’m aware of this already, Chancellor,” Emperor Rong leaned back on his throne. “Are you aware that I’d like to break your fingers too?”
Hope this helps